The Bruno Tales (2016)

Hi Fans – It’s my update blog to all you lucky rehomers – hope you’re enjoying you’re new personal heavens. It IS hard work training THEM though – never mind, it is worth it in the end. I’m now through the 4-year mark – it’s a home run! Any threat of “that dreaded list” is long past I can tell you.

I’m a mature seven-year old, svelte and pretty handsome, even tho’ I say it myself, AND down to 35 kilos – hey! I’m a big chap, but get those slim hips. Got to keep relaxing – “my” chaise longue enables me to keep watch over the front drive.

Well it has been a busy year – I’ve perfected my stealth snatch technique – they NEVER learn:

Scones or toast off the table – easy pickings, (I do prefer raspberry jam). I’m dreaming of those lazy summer days again with cream teas.
And now I’ve trained the 2-year old granddaughter on the drop procedure. She lives with our best friend Hamish, he’s the daughter’s pretty superior smart chap, not LRT you know, so he needed a hand with “the drop”;
Lately I’ve proved I can get pineapple rings out of a dish on the work-top WITHOUT breaking the dish – well I am a tall chap, and it saves the mess;
Christmas was great – all those presents to get into. And they’d wrapped up packets of dog biscuits for each of us – I snaffled Suzi’s very quickly, shame!
This week I got a whole box of milk chocolates off the top of a very expensive antique barograph – they’d put it 5 feet up, but I’m tall, and I didn’t move the machine! Lucky!!
I did have fun spending the day with the daughter and Hamish in their village: I could just smell apples somewhere so HAD to investigate – found them 4 houses away in the Admiral’s garden. Then I heard my name being called – Uh oh, in trouble again. How was I to know she was late for a midwife appointment? I’m not psychic!

So what’s new? Well I’ve decided to go into medical training on bedside duty, in case they need an alert. Both my owners have had medical “excursions” recently, and I need the extra rations. I thought my pal Suzi would look out for them, but no: she’s always in bed running air traffic control for Bristol Airport – well I don’t know what she does all day!

Patricia’s been to lots of new homes – takes Madam Suzi smartie-pants, but not me. We’ve had a few rehomed dogs come and go – smelt them in the car. Good luck to them.

Latest news is holidays. THEY want to go away without me and Suzi. So we went to visit a local boarding home. Looks good news – good garden run, lots of beds, Aga and choice of rooms to sleep in. We had to be “sniffed out” by Basil, the resident Jack Russell – not normally my cup of tea but seems a nice chap. So holidays it is this summer – they’ll take all 3 of us so Hamish and I can sort that out. Best holiday last year was down in Plymouth with the son and his wife – great swimming and beach time. But reckon that’s the last time because they’ve now got their own rescued Lab and they’ve got him on a training regime – spoil sports. So next time I’ll report on our local holiday camp.

Now, I’ve got to see off some workmen from our local walking fields where they’re installing a solar farm. How dare they! So we go up on the Plain sometimes with friends – and my mates Hamish and Suzi. Or we go to the river locally, so life is good.

My one hang-up? They WILL keep driving the car backwards – I bark to tell them because we are in the back, and I haven’t taken my test! Hey ho – you can’t win them all. Must go now – I’ve got to get on with preparations for street collecting in Bath this year. All those ladies to be charmed. And there are always squirrels to chase here at home.

Keep working on the owners – believe me it IS worth it. Wags – Bruno

The Bruno Tales were first published in our magazine, Labradors Forever. You can subscribe online here