The Bruno Tales (2014)

Hi Fans – it’s me, Bruno – I’ve got life organised at last with my “perfect” Lady companion Suzi – she’s a bit superior and operates on the Planet Zark most of the time – not sure where it is, but she’s on a different plane to the rest of us!

 

Well – quite a lot’s been going down here in Trowbridge – 2013 flew past.

 

First it’s grooming. Have you heard of Just Paws – my mistress Patricia found this highly recommended, local Trowbridge Dog Spa run by 2 veterinary nurses – well I’ll try anything, and it wasn’t my pocket money! 2 lovely girls took me in, groomed me, shampooed then put in a drying cabinet! Well – I just fell asleep – warmth and a tickled tummy, I’m anybody’s. They said it is good for me.

 

Then, unfortunately, the owners have got this thing about obedience. Shhh. Tried me on several different collars and leads – harness, Halti, Gentle Leader, Canny Collar etc: Coh! what a load of nonsense – someone’s making a packet on that lark. How many times have I got to explain – we are Labradors – the answer is FOOD. Feed me and I’m a push-over. But there we are – just can’t get the message through. But I am down to a pretty nifty 35 kilos girls!

 

In September I had 2 weeks lodging in Bath – owners off on hols, sailing in Monte-somewhere or other! Anyway I proffed, fortnight by the Canal staying with my good Black Lab friend Hamish (Annabel & Ben), made it to the Bath High Life. They haven’t let me into the city yet, there are some superior dogs there, I tell you. Hoping to go on the Easter BH street collection: I’ve heard all about it, Bath Ladies come and coo over you and you get treats ….  Well!

 

The downside to their holiday – I had to go to School when Annabel went to work. Nice chap in Monkton Combe called Adam at Avon Dog Services, collected us, I wasn’t too happy about being stuffed into a cage in his van – well a chap’s got his pride – get off my bum! But Adam’s got the answer – Cow Lung is the reward – sounds disgusting? You should try it – piece of that – I’ll do star jumps!

 

Never mind – it’s been autumn – Hooray! Apple trees in the garden – fence, what fence? Got in – happy to stay. Pear tree down the lane (yum when they’re rotten), and blackberries in the hedges. Plentiful, great fun. Just hope you take yours out for their 5-a-day.

Well must go. They want me to go out again. Oh – the latest from the fields – saw a nice girl in the distance with 2 brown and white dogs. He went to chat, I bounded over – guess what? One was a cat!!! Silly girl takes it for a walk with the dog. It sneered at me through the hedge – I nearly had it. I’ll have to speak to that dog – what’s it thinking of? I HATE CATS – one used to stalk up and down in front of me in the home they got me out of when I was shut up behind a gate under the stairs. Brrrr – can’t bear to think of it.

 

Never mind Fans – Heaven calls – Mmmm, wonder if they’ve left any food out – I’ve still got them under training you know.  They went to Monaco recently for a short weekend – he delivered Madam Suzi 10 minutes away to another friend and left me. Ha! My laugh – he’d left the utility room door open – 2 bird fat balls and just started on a bag of fish food when he got back. They never learn! Must go – more grooming and furmination! It’s a Dog’s Life.

 

The Bruno Tales were first published in our magazine, Labradors Forever.  You can subscribe online here